Thoughts during Insomnia

I was writing in my journal tonight, as I tend to do when things get tough, just to clear my head, I suppose. Anyway, (that last sentence is probably COMPLETELY grammatically incorrect, but it's almost 2:30 in the morning, and I honestly don't care.) But I was writing to my journal, pretending it was a person that could actually understand what I was going through, and I wrote something at the end of it that made me giggle a little bit. Before I say what it is, please take these things into consideration:

1. It's almost 2:30 in the morning. lol
2. I'm going through an extremely rough patch in my life right now, so I say things that may sound bad, but I mean no offense to anyone or anything in the things I say. I usually don't meant the things I say when I say things like this, but I felt I should put it out there that I'm really just rambling and I don't necessarily mean every little thing I say.
3. I've gotten maybe 3-5 hours of sleep every night this week, so I'm exhausted and I just say loopy things when I'm exhausted.
4. What I'm gonna say probably isn't that bad, I just feel the need to put this disclaimer so I don't offend anyone. Because offending people was truly not my intention, it was merely me rambling silly things in my journal that I thought other people would find amusing.

Ok, so here it is *epic climatic music inserted here*

"Faith is an amazing thing, ain't it? Trusting that God has everything under control while you run around like a chicken with its head cut off."

dun dun DUUUUN.
Haha I'm just kidding.
But yea. I thought someone would find that amusing. Please, like I said, don't take offense to it. It was really me just rambling in my journal while I'm up super late at night with hardly any sleep.

Hope you all have a blessed weekend,
and enjoy this FABULOUS weather.

In His name,

XOXO
<3
Linds

The War of Wars (part 1)

The tiny light in my upward peripheral seemed only to grow smaller and dimmer with each passing second. These dark walls I swore I would never see started to become more real as they grew stronger and entrapped me in my own fears.

This mask; this facade; this role I play could no longer be contained, and my worst nightmares were becoming my reality as the demons I prayed I would never face were staring directly at me. There is no more time for training and preparation-The War has begun. No turning back; no retreating; no surrender; for once it was time to stand my ground-defend myself-for the years I've spent under attack by an enemy I knew not how to face, let alone defeat.

And even now, as I stand firm in my armor, prepared for battle, how I will defeat this enemy is still a mystery to me, but I know I can wait no longer.

The Logic Behind Love

I stared out the window, watching the leaves try to remain in tact with the branches that gave them life, thinking about you, as I tend to do periodically throughout the day. My mind was racing with the all things you'd ever said to me, frantically trying to analyze every word, every sentence, every action. The sun beat through the window and I could feel its warmth wrap around me like a hug from behind. 

I mean, I could probably go on and on forever about every little thing about you. I love everything you are and everything you're not. I love how you drive me up the wall some days, and some days, I feel like I'm floating on air. I love that simultaneously, I'm so incredibly comfortable around you and so incredibly insecure. Just the mere thought of you gives me butterflies. 

Then a thought shouted out to me: What do you have that any other guy I know doesn't have? 

I mean, really. Let's think about this logically: what is it that sets you apart from the crowd? You have eyes, ears, a nose, a heart, lungs, etc. You feel the same things any other male human would feel and you act pretty much the same as any other male human would in your situation. But what is that you have that makes me so drawn to you?

I could probably, again, go on and on forever to answer this question, but I am going to answer it with one simple word: Chemistry.


Yes, cliche and over-used, I know. But there's no other way to describe it. There's some kind of reaction when we're together, regardless of whatever setting we're in. And it's so intriguing to watch and wait to see what happens, and at the same time, it's so nerve racking. I love that almost every aspect of our relationship is like a roller coaster rush: excitement and fear, all mixed into one intoxicating emotion. 


The point I'm trying to make is that there's no one reason as to why I have feelings for you, or for any other male, for that matter. You can't help where your heart leads you. And you sure as heck can't predict where, either.


All I know is that I love you. I may not be IN love with you (though the possibility is there), but I do love you.




Sometimes there's not a logical reason as to why you love someone; sometimes "because I just do" is logic enough. 
And logic itself is completely overrated anyway, right? Sometimes you just know in your heart when something's right, even if your head is telling you it's wrong.




I'm not sure if this makes ANY sense, but I thought it did.
Food for thought, I suppose, if nothing else.


In His name,
xoxo
<3
Linds