The Mask

Ok, so last night, I couldn't really sleep. And so, when I normally can't sleep, I write. It's very therapeutic (sp? I'm a horrible speller, for the record.). And, this piece is really not one of my happier ones, and I honestly can't tell you where it came from; it just flowed out onto the paper. Soooo...here we go:

There tears come now as if they were running on a schedule-like clockwork. I couldn't really explain the reasoning behind them; not that it would be logical if I could.

Most people don't ever see this side of me. I do a pretty good job at making sure it's never seen except to the people I know I can trust fully. I wouldn't dare let the world see my vulnerability because the second I do, they take the chance-swiftly and boldly-to walk all over me. I wouldn't dare let that happen again.

I can't help but wonder where this illogical, emotional emptiness comes from or why I feel it in the first place because I know I am truly blessed. But right on time, every night, my eyes well-up and overflow with a tangible emptiness I cannot define logically.

So, instead of trying to define it, I cover it up with this mask; a smile I wear everyday as to not worry my loved ones and only do privileged-if you can call it that-viewers ever see what lies behind it. And although the laughter that loudly exceeds from my chest is real, it simply cannot fill this mysterious emptiness that consumes me.

And how passionately do I wish to fill this void that is slowly killing what was once my lively spirit. But I cannot yet fight this beast for I know not what it is or if it is even worth fighting. So, as it grows stronger, hopefully I, too, will grow as I await this battle that lies before me. Until that day, however, this mask must remain fully in tact and in use.

Hooray!

Ok. So, I'm probably lame for being so late in getting a blog...or for getting one in the first place...but now I have one. Hooray!
(: