For a friend;
I know you're in there somewhere
<3
I shouldn't be here...
I should be somewhere dark and lonely; somewhere where daylight barely passes through and grazes the side of my face with its fingertips; somwhere where all teenage broken hearts belong; where overwhelming (and quite frankly, extremely over-dramatic) thoughs of "life is too hard, death is easier" thoughts consume me inside and out...
But I'm not.
Here, where I am, the sun is shinning down on me with its warmth; a warmth that embraces me beyond any measuarable compare. It's like God Himself is holding me in His arms. The sky is a blue, so blue, it's bluer than any other blue I've seen before, and the birds sing songs as if it is spring.
This is me. My life. Not yours to ruin with your sky-high-gray walls that you have built around yourself; with your false sense of hope and trust that you manipulate and orchestrate for every person that you meet; for the lies that your teeth cannot bare to hold, no sir! You will not ruin me. My life. With your gray storm.
So, in my spring, I wait; wait for that day to fight your gray, so that you too, can have the bluer than blue. I pray that you find it soon, but I am also prepared that that day may never come.
Your gray-sky-high walls may be strong now, but, if by nothing else but Divine intervention, those stones and storms that surround you and your heart will come crashing down.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
The Greatest Gift of All.
I haven't writen a blog in a while and it is Christmas time, so I figured I would. Please just take the 4 or 5 minutes it takes to read this; it could give you a completely different outlook or inspire you or something. It might just touch your heart. (not that I'm saying my writing is that good...but...you'll see. lol)
I was at Elevate the other night for CBCNW and we watched this video sermon and it really opened my eyes to something I didn't realize until that point. It also tied in to what I had learned at church that morning. (Ain't it funny how God plans things like that?)
Of course, because it's Christmas time, the lessons were about the birth of Christ (Yay!!!). So, I settled into my seat and prepared to hear the story for the 800th time. But as the pastor (in both church and the video sermon) started to speak, I was shocked because it wasn't the same old story I'd heard before; It was something different.
The first story (at church) was about the prophet Isaiah (I believe we're in Isaiah 7) The kingdom of Israel had split in two: The north remained Israel and the south became the kingdom of Judah. The king of Judah, Ahaz, was a very ungodly king. His father and grandfather were both very godly in their reign, so the people of Judah were fearful. One day, the people of Israel and Aram joined forces and declared war on Judah. King Ahaz knew he was no match for these powerful kingdoms. Through Isaiah, God told the people of Judah to remain faithful; that He would take care of them. He also told Ahaz that if he put his faith in Him, God would protect him as well. But Ahaz refused and chose to join forces with Assryia. Isaiah came back to Ahaz one last time and told him that God would give him another chance; God even told Ahaz to test Him. But Ahaz refused again. So God told Ahaz that he would prove it to him. He said, through Isaiah, "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (wich means "God with us")(Isaiah 7: 14, NIV). About 400 years later, after Ahaz and Isaiah were long gone, God kept His promise and the virgin Mary gave birth the Jesus Christ. God made a promise to His people, and God kept that promise.
Which brings me to the story at Elevate. It (the video sermon) talked about the 12 words of Christmas and how these words and the Baby were the greatest gift of all.
(We're in Matthew 1 now)
It talked about the day Jesus was born. Most of us think that Chirstmas is a super-happpy-go-lucky time of the year; and for some people, it is. But for others, it can be a very rough time of the year.
For Mary and Joseph, it was a horrible day. It was tax day (which we all know as the worst day of the year. lol). This means that Mary and Joseph had to travel to the city of David. So, they traveled all day (on a donkey, mind you.), were late and no place to stay. I mean, how much worse can your day get than that? So, because they had no where else to go, they stayed in a stable (which was really more like a cave in the side of a mountain; how horrible is that? I mean if I were them, I would be throwing all kinds of fits and praying that my baby did not come that night.). Mary prayed to the Lord that her baby would not come that night, but He did. And Jesus, the savior of the world, was born, right there, in probably the worst conditions and during the worst day possible. But before this, was the story of Ahaz (see above). That was the last time anyone on earth had heard from God. That was a period of 400 years. 400 years!!! That's a really really long time. People began to wonder if God had died, or if He was extremely angry with them. I mean, wouldn't you start to wonder things like that if you hadn't heard from God, in any way, shape or form, for 400 years? But the first sound He made, after so long of a time, was a baby's cry. When I thought about that, I was dumbfounded. The Creator, God of the universe, who created anything and everything, could've come into this world with a loud crash like a hurricane or something HUGE! But instead, He chose to come in quietly, like a snow fall (those metaphors are from Chris Tomlin, btw. THANK YOU CHRIS TOMLIN.). I mean, wow. That humbled me. But that's not all. God made a promise to Ahaz that a virgin would give birth to a boy who would be called Immanuel (Isaiah 7:14) and 400 years later, God kept that promise. "All this took place to fufill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 'The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.'" (Matthew 1:22-23, NIV)
I was so humbled that day, and it gave me a completely new outlook on the Christmas story. It's so much more than just a Savior being given to us; it's about God making, AND keeping, His promises to His people. So, please think about that this, and every Christmas season. It's not just about the gifts or Santa or any of that. It's about God keeping His promise that He would be with us (Immanuel = "God with us") to save us from ourselves.
Oh. And the 12 words of Christmas?
"A savior has been born to you; he is Christ, the Lord." (Luke 2:11, NIV)
I pray that you and your famlies have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Blessed New Year.
xoxo
Linds
I was at Elevate the other night for CBCNW and we watched this video sermon and it really opened my eyes to something I didn't realize until that point. It also tied in to what I had learned at church that morning. (Ain't it funny how God plans things like that?)
Of course, because it's Christmas time, the lessons were about the birth of Christ (Yay!!!). So, I settled into my seat and prepared to hear the story for the 800th time. But as the pastor (in both church and the video sermon) started to speak, I was shocked because it wasn't the same old story I'd heard before; It was something different.
The first story (at church) was about the prophet Isaiah (I believe we're in Isaiah 7) The kingdom of Israel had split in two: The north remained Israel and the south became the kingdom of Judah. The king of Judah, Ahaz, was a very ungodly king. His father and grandfather were both very godly in their reign, so the people of Judah were fearful. One day, the people of Israel and Aram joined forces and declared war on Judah. King Ahaz knew he was no match for these powerful kingdoms. Through Isaiah, God told the people of Judah to remain faithful; that He would take care of them. He also told Ahaz that if he put his faith in Him, God would protect him as well. But Ahaz refused and chose to join forces with Assryia. Isaiah came back to Ahaz one last time and told him that God would give him another chance; God even told Ahaz to test Him. But Ahaz refused again. So God told Ahaz that he would prove it to him. He said, through Isaiah, "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (wich means "God with us")(Isaiah 7: 14, NIV). About 400 years later, after Ahaz and Isaiah were long gone, God kept His promise and the virgin Mary gave birth the Jesus Christ. God made a promise to His people, and God kept that promise.
Which brings me to the story at Elevate. It (the video sermon) talked about the 12 words of Christmas and how these words and the Baby were the greatest gift of all.
(We're in Matthew 1 now)
It talked about the day Jesus was born. Most of us think that Chirstmas is a super-happpy-go-lucky time of the year; and for some people, it is. But for others, it can be a very rough time of the year.
For Mary and Joseph, it was a horrible day. It was tax day (which we all know as the worst day of the year. lol). This means that Mary and Joseph had to travel to the city of David. So, they traveled all day (on a donkey, mind you.), were late and no place to stay. I mean, how much worse can your day get than that? So, because they had no where else to go, they stayed in a stable (which was really more like a cave in the side of a mountain; how horrible is that? I mean if I were them, I would be throwing all kinds of fits and praying that my baby did not come that night.). Mary prayed to the Lord that her baby would not come that night, but He did. And Jesus, the savior of the world, was born, right there, in probably the worst conditions and during the worst day possible. But before this, was the story of Ahaz (see above). That was the last time anyone on earth had heard from God. That was a period of 400 years. 400 years!!! That's a really really long time. People began to wonder if God had died, or if He was extremely angry with them. I mean, wouldn't you start to wonder things like that if you hadn't heard from God, in any way, shape or form, for 400 years? But the first sound He made, after so long of a time, was a baby's cry. When I thought about that, I was dumbfounded. The Creator, God of the universe, who created anything and everything, could've come into this world with a loud crash like a hurricane or something HUGE! But instead, He chose to come in quietly, like a snow fall (those metaphors are from Chris Tomlin, btw. THANK YOU CHRIS TOMLIN.). I mean, wow. That humbled me. But that's not all. God made a promise to Ahaz that a virgin would give birth to a boy who would be called Immanuel (Isaiah 7:14) and 400 years later, God kept that promise. "All this took place to fufill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 'The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.'" (Matthew 1:22-23, NIV)
I was so humbled that day, and it gave me a completely new outlook on the Christmas story. It's so much more than just a Savior being given to us; it's about God making, AND keeping, His promises to His people. So, please think about that this, and every Christmas season. It's not just about the gifts or Santa or any of that. It's about God keeping His promise that He would be with us (Immanuel = "God with us") to save us from ourselves.
Oh. And the 12 words of Christmas?
"A savior has been born to you; he is Christ, the Lord." (Luke 2:11, NIV)
I pray that you and your famlies have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Blessed New Year.
xoxo
Linds
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The Only Exception
Ok. (I just realized I start a lot of things with that...hmmm..haha) Back to the point. I was listening to the world's most awesome band (that's Paramore, for those of you who aren't aware of their epicness, for which I will have a discussion with you about later) and the song The Only Exception came on and melodically filled my ears with it's mellow sounds. And for some odd reason (which is the explination for most of my unusual happenings, just so we're clear), as the melody contiuned to play, the song got me to start thinking. (which is never really a good thing, because: a) it can lead to all kinds of crazy things, or b) (on the rare occasion) I come up with something epic.)
Let me break for a moment and explain something. I dated a really good friend of mine for a good amount of time. It was my first real relationship and I truly believe I was in love with him. This song always reminded me of him, because, well, I loved him. After a while, however, he ended things suddenly and every time I heard this song, it dang near broke my heart.
Continuing with the point...I was listening to the song and my mind started getting off track, as it tends to do when I listen to music (as to why, I'm still not sure). But it got me thinking of that past relationship and how much it related to it. But the idea that it(the realtionship) was over made the song hard to listen for a while. To help cope with this first major heartbreak, I went to a High School Camp that my church holds every summer. It was probably the most exciting 5 days of my entire life. I came so much closer to God and I realized I didn't need that past realtionship to be happy because I had Jesus' love and forgiveness; and that's all a girl really needs.
Which (finally) brings me to my point; this melodically, soothing song that once pinged my heart everytime I listened to it had another meaning (to me anyway) behind it than just a girl who likes someone who leads her to believe in love once again; the song can very well be applied to Christ. (going out on a limb here, so lemme see how this goes)
The song basically says that because of past experiences with family, the character (if you can call it that) stopped believing in love. And that when she got older, she found someone who made her start to believe in it once more. For me, this was Christ. As cliche as it sounds, after the breakup with said friend, I didn't think I could ever believe in love because he was one of the only guys I'd ever met who really and truly loved me for who I was. And when he decided to end things out of no where, I stopped believing in love. But after the experience I had at camp, I was only more afirmed in my realtionship with Christ, who made me fully understand that love exists. So, in the song, it describes this experience of this person helping the main "character" believe in love again. For me, this song also says that Christ can be that "only exception" to help me believe in love again. Because if He didn't love me, He wouldn't have died for me.
I really don't know if this makes any sense, but it did in my head. hahaha
Most of the time things make more sense in my head than they do actually spoken aloud or writen, etc.
Basically, The Only Exception isn't just about a boy making me believe in love again; it's about the love that Christ had for me that made me belive in love again, and how the song applies.
Yea. That's it. Haha
XOXO
<3
Linds
Let me break for a moment and explain something. I dated a really good friend of mine for a good amount of time. It was my first real relationship and I truly believe I was in love with him. This song always reminded me of him, because, well, I loved him. After a while, however, he ended things suddenly and every time I heard this song, it dang near broke my heart.
Continuing with the point...I was listening to the song and my mind started getting off track, as it tends to do when I listen to music (as to why, I'm still not sure). But it got me thinking of that past relationship and how much it related to it. But the idea that it(the realtionship) was over made the song hard to listen for a while. To help cope with this first major heartbreak, I went to a High School Camp that my church holds every summer. It was probably the most exciting 5 days of my entire life. I came so much closer to God and I realized I didn't need that past realtionship to be happy because I had Jesus' love and forgiveness; and that's all a girl really needs.
Which (finally) brings me to my point; this melodically, soothing song that once pinged my heart everytime I listened to it had another meaning (to me anyway) behind it than just a girl who likes someone who leads her to believe in love once again; the song can very well be applied to Christ. (going out on a limb here, so lemme see how this goes)
The song basically says that because of past experiences with family, the character (if you can call it that) stopped believing in love. And that when she got older, she found someone who made her start to believe in it once more. For me, this was Christ. As cliche as it sounds, after the breakup with said friend, I didn't think I could ever believe in love because he was one of the only guys I'd ever met who really and truly loved me for who I was. And when he decided to end things out of no where, I stopped believing in love. But after the experience I had at camp, I was only more afirmed in my realtionship with Christ, who made me fully understand that love exists. So, in the song, it describes this experience of this person helping the main "character" believe in love again. For me, this song also says that Christ can be that "only exception" to help me believe in love again. Because if He didn't love me, He wouldn't have died for me.
I really don't know if this makes any sense, but it did in my head. hahaha
Most of the time things make more sense in my head than they do actually spoken aloud or writen, etc.
Basically, The Only Exception isn't just about a boy making me believe in love again; it's about the love that Christ had for me that made me belive in love again, and how the song applies.
Yea. That's it. Haha
XOXO
<3
Linds
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The Mask
Ok, so last night, I couldn't really sleep. And so, when I normally can't sleep, I write. It's very therapeutic (sp? I'm a horrible speller, for the record.). And, this piece is really not one of my happier ones, and I honestly can't tell you where it came from; it just flowed out onto the paper. Soooo...here we go:
There tears come now as if they were running on a schedule-like clockwork. I couldn't really explain the reasoning behind them; not that it would be logical if I could.
Most people don't ever see this side of me. I do a pretty good job at making sure it's never seen except to the people I know I can trust fully. I wouldn't dare let the world see my vulnerability because the second I do, they take the chance-swiftly and boldly-to walk all over me. I wouldn't dare let that happen again.
I can't help but wonder where this illogical, emotional emptiness comes from or why I feel it in the first place because I know I am truly blessed. But right on time, every night, my eyes well-up and overflow with a tangible emptiness I cannot define logically.
So, instead of trying to define it, I cover it up with this mask; a smile I wear everyday as to not worry my loved ones and only do privileged-if you can call it that-viewers ever see what lies behind it. And although the laughter that loudly exceeds from my chest is real, it simply cannot fill this mysterious emptiness that consumes me.
And how passionately do I wish to fill this void that is slowly killing what was once my lively spirit. But I cannot yet fight this beast for I know not what it is or if it is even worth fighting. So, as it grows stronger, hopefully I, too, will grow as I await this battle that lies before me. Until that day, however, this mask must remain fully in tact and in use.
There tears come now as if they were running on a schedule-like clockwork. I couldn't really explain the reasoning behind them; not that it would be logical if I could.
Most people don't ever see this side of me. I do a pretty good job at making sure it's never seen except to the people I know I can trust fully. I wouldn't dare let the world see my vulnerability because the second I do, they take the chance-swiftly and boldly-to walk all over me. I wouldn't dare let that happen again.
I can't help but wonder where this illogical, emotional emptiness comes from or why I feel it in the first place because I know I am truly blessed. But right on time, every night, my eyes well-up and overflow with a tangible emptiness I cannot define logically.
So, instead of trying to define it, I cover it up with this mask; a smile I wear everyday as to not worry my loved ones and only do privileged-if you can call it that-viewers ever see what lies behind it. And although the laughter that loudly exceeds from my chest is real, it simply cannot fill this mysterious emptiness that consumes me.
And how passionately do I wish to fill this void that is slowly killing what was once my lively spirit. But I cannot yet fight this beast for I know not what it is or if it is even worth fighting. So, as it grows stronger, hopefully I, too, will grow as I await this battle that lies before me. Until that day, however, this mask must remain fully in tact and in use.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Hooray!
Ok. So, I'm probably lame for being so late in getting a blog...or for getting one in the first place...but now I have one. Hooray!
(:
(:
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